Sickipedia

Shagging this bird this morning and my wife walked in, she was absolutely furious! Apparently the Christmas dinner is ruined now ...

In the street I saw a white man and his black girlfriend for the first time ever , I was absolutely star struck , it was like watching a advert on tv !

Least it’s going to be a white Christmas, it’s not going to snow but I’m the only girl attending the Bukkake party tonight ....

Three friends walk into Pontins an Englishman , Scottishman and a Ir ....... , well that jokes ruined now ....

As I lay in bed with my girlfriend I could tell she was worried her recent cough could be Covid. I grabbed her head thrust it under the covers and let out a massive fart, after I few seconds of struggling she reappeared: ‘What the fuck was that?’ She said. ‘Could you smell it?’ I asked. ‘Smell it? I could fucking taste it!’ She raged. ‘Negative test, your welcome’ I said

I always thought Quinten Crisp was a horse in a race, as all I ever hear is that he’s coming up the rear ….

Matt Hancock caught going down on his secretary, after consulting with his friend Dominic Cummings he claims he was only doing this to test his taste and smell ....

My wife’s just had her first jab, if she doesn’t shut the fuck up when the football is on she’s going to get a second!

I was sharing my war stories with a old war veteran at the weekend , I recalled a story ‘when I climbed up from the trench , smoke everywhere , grenade going off next to my ear, and as I climbed the steps of the bunker I saw a brother fall under the enemy fire , as I breached the bunker I shot two Germans and killed the third with my bayonet’. As I finished the story the old man went mental started swearing at me and trying to give me a slap. In the end I said fuck you grandad I’m going home to play some more Call of Duty

I once was arrested for Necrophilia in a graveyard, 5 years later I still can’t get a job, at interviews they just keep asking me about the arrest, I wish people would stop digging up the past ....