Sickipedia

Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Google asks where I am. The internet has turned into my girlfriend

For Halloween I'm going to a fancy dress party dressed as a really scary mummy - one that will really frighten the kids. I'm going dressed as Kate McCann

Due to Covid restrictions, The Derwent Pencil Museum will be closed on 25th December 2020: What sort of a cunt do you have to be to want to visit there on Christmas fucking day?

I once did a stand up gig in Cornwall and it went terribly. I got Bude off stage I'll get me coat

Just won the World championship wanking final. It was hard work and I had to beat off some stiff opposition

Maybe Tottenham's defence should consider a lockdown

Amish murderers get the acoustic chair

FREE JOKE SET UP LINE: BBC NEWS: "Walkers crisp shortage leaves Leicestershire family desperate"

My Savile-Row tailor is quite the quick-witted comedian, Most of his best material is off the cuff (I'll get me coat. Once it's complete)

They say that women are like buses. You wait ages for one then three turn up at once. Well I don't know about three turning up. But the one I dated certainly resembled the back end of a bus (Nod to Chum, when he unblocks me)