Sickipedia

Old MacDonald had a really shit scrabble hand E-I-E-I-O

Serena Williams is so pissed off at losing the US Open , she’s considering retirement. If she does , I hope she goes back to acting, she was brilliant in The Green Mile.

Australia is constantly advertising for 'skilled migrants'. In fairness, how much more skilled could you be than an Indonesian who manages to navigate a tin bath three thousand miles through shark infested waters ?

We’ve got a new dog . He’s mostly black and brown with little white patches . We’ve named him Rochdale.

David Beckham has had to pass up the chance to be the major marquee signing in the new Ethiopian Premier League . Apparently, Victoria couldn’t face the prospect of being called fatty !

Its that day again when people come up to me with their scary face and frightening clothes with their hand held out wanting money. I hate my job in the benefits office in Bradford .

Just got home from picking up my Dracula costume for a Halloween party . Opened the bag and inside was a Liverpool kit . I rang the costume hire place and said to the assistant “ You obviously misunderstood, I said I wanted to go as a COUNT !!!”

So Sinead O’Connor has converted to Islam . I give it 7 hours and 15 days...

If the new Royal baby is a boy, and they don’t name him Terry , then it’s official, the Palace has no sense of humour.

I wouldn't say my mate's wife is fat , but she contracted the Ebola flesh-eating virus...and it gave up !