Sickipedia

A riposte to Chum, who's usual blocking prevented me from adding it as a comment to his absinthe joke... Ergo no votes for you, Chum, which I suspect may disappoint. A variant I heard a long while ago: A Japanese man tells his doctor that every time he breaks wind, it sounds like 'Honda'. 'Ah so! Abscess!' says the doctor. 'How do you know?' asked the patient. 'Ancient Japanese proverb - abscess makes the fart go Honda!' I'll get my kimono...

Here is the full list of 21 COVID symptoms to look out for according Prof Spector (as listed in our local news rag): 1 High temperature (fever) 2 Chills or shivers 3 Persistent cough 4 Loss or change of smell 5 Loss or change in taste 6 Headache 7 Unusual tiredness 8 Sore throat 9 Sudden confusion 10 Skin rash 11 Changes in the mouth or tongue 12 Covid fingers or toes 13 Shortness of breath 14 Chest pains 15 Muscle pains 16 Horse voice 17 Diarrhoea 18 Skipping meals 19 Abdominal pains 20 Runny nose 21 Sneezing Sickipedians could relate to 4 (Fart troll), 5 (Taste - what's that?), 9 (Mods?), 16 (neigh, that can't be right), 17 (textual - Wasp), 18 (Wasp's wife). Any other offers? Otherwise the effects of normal life's wear and tear it seems to to me!

Pub called The Midget changes name after lecturer says it is offensive. The Oxfordshire establishment opened in 1974 and was named after MG’s famous car. The lecturer has made a career out her dwarfism (book and similar protests). I thank the Telegraph for bringing this to our attention and share a couple of the readers' comments in the hope that they will strike a chord here: I doubt her book is a best seller. Probably a small print run. If it had been MGBGT the alphabet mob would have been apoplectic. She must have spent years looking for something on which to grind her axe. Apparently they serve short measures. How small minded. I feel like there’s a joke here… but it’d probably just go over her head. Apparently 6 out of seven dwarfs are never Happy. She’s Welsh, based in Liverpool and a dwarf. Life hasn’t been kind to her. Over to you...

A record not to be sniffed at

Alkali Akbar?

The fact that Muhammad continues to be the most popular boys name in the UK speaks volumes... Given Muslim sensitivity on the subject, are they referred to Muhammad May His Name Be Praised every time, and how do they get round the restriction on visual depictions in the family album?

Nearly a hole in one

Headline: "Dale Vince’s energy empire slumps to loss after £12m writedown on ‘vegan gas’ project" Anyone who has walked behind a vegan would have thought he was onto a sure thing. Over to the troll...

Darwin strikes again

I guess the trolls may have been right and rather than being Vapeman, Chum is actually Admin, since none of us can comment now... (Banter, not personal attack btw)