Sickipedia

I don’t know why the police aren’t bringing out the water cannons on the Extinction Rebellion groups in London. I can imagine their response to the threat of a water cannon: ‘We’d better leave now Tarquin - they’ve got the water cannons out. If we’re not careful, we’ll get washed’.

So Starbucks have announced that the lockdown has cost their business about £1.3bn. Or in other words, that's equivalent to four hot chocolates, an Americana and two sandwiches.

A Communist spy, an IRA supporter, a racist and a 'friend' of Hezbollah walk in to a pub. The barman says ‘What can i get you Mr Corbyn?’

Apparently paedophilia is hereditary. They give it to their kids.

The city of Leicester has been put on lockdown, due to fears of a second wave of COVID-19, with its terrible symptoms. Being damp, hard to breathe, and with fear of vomiting, poor smell, and poor taste - Leicester can be found at junction 21 of the M1.

Government rules limiting spectators to just thirty people at outdoor sports games has decimated football clubs across the UK. Women’s football leagues remain unaffected.

With the new strain of Covid being called ‘Omicron’ - it’s a bit suspicious that it’s an anagram of the word ‘Moronic’. I can’t help thinking the next strain will be ‘ibleGullCnut’

Apparently it’s good nowadays to be a social media ‘influencer’. I’m more of a social media ‘influenza’.

I noticed that the local ‘Sexaholics Anonymous’ meeting wasn’t cancelled despite everyone being stuck at home in isolation. Nobody came.

Boris Johnson has pledged to ‘DUDE’ - DELIVER Brexit, UNITE the country, DEFEAT Corbyn and ENERGISE Britain. Corbyn has also pledged to CHANGE politics, and UNIONISE industry, NATIONALISE infrastructure, and TAX anyone who works for a living. If only I could think of an acronym for that...