Sickipedia

Give Up on Us Now Baby.

Breaking News : Shamima Begum was offered citizenship on the condition she hosts Match Of The Day. She refused.

I don't know why it's taking so long to identify Nicola Bulley. They just need to look at the fish swimming close by; if they are soused it's definitely her.

I don't understand why the Italians name their cities after crappy cars like Capri, Sorrento or Cortina. Surely with all their culture and history they could find original names!

So Bininam Girmay becomes the first black African to win a stage in a major cycle race. Apparently they told him there was a roast chicken waiting for him at the finish line. Once he had cut the lock of the bike there was no stopping him!

Bono is touring Ukraine on his " Just When You Thought It Couldn't Get Any Worse" tour.

Will the atrocities in Ukraine never end? After the bombings and seiges now the poor bastards have to listen to Bono. The UN must intervene.

How do you get a champagne cork back into the bottle? I don't know but ask a Man City fan.

So Katie Price has been threatened with a prison sentence. The British Cave Rescue Team have been put on standby in case a body cavity search is required.

Until tonight I never knew Tyson Fury was a real person. I thought it was another name for plane-rage!