Sickipedia

"Are you ready to take your comedy to the next level and be part of a vibrant community that lives and breathes laughter? Look no further! We invite you to join our community of stand-up comedians where humor knows no bounds. We believe that laughter is not just an art form; it's a way of life. Whether you're a seasoned professional or just getting started on the comedy circuit, our community provides a supportive and dynamic space for you to showcase your talent, connect with fellow comedians, and explore new comedic horizons. Joining our community is as simple as sending an email at [email protected] . We can't wait to welcome you aboard and witness the magic that happens when brilliant comedic minds come together. Ready to bring the house down with laughter? Join our community now and let's create comedy that resonates!" Where no matter what you write will be downvoted by an incel with septic boils on his cock

I really hope we never play any cricket matches in Hull They're always losing the ashes

Lenny Henry is presenting his last Comic Relief tonight, 39 years after his first one Thank God that due to him, African kids drinking water laden with shite & eating a handful of rice a day, as they try to summon the energy to swat the flies off their face, has become thing of the past

My dyslexic pal says he'll never get over the demise of Jean Charles de Menezes " I used to love popping in there for some fags or a tin of sweets before getting on the train ", he added (Nobody under 40 will get this)

Sickipedia at the moment is making me feel like Ian Watkins. I'm delighted if I get one under 3.

Nonce to Nonce

Chuck Berry walked into a chemist and asked for some contraception. When asked what type he said, "Johnny'd be good"

Boris Johnson is walking out of his latest bollocking for being a lying bastard, when he sees a lamp. He gives it a rub & out pops a genie "Behold. I grant you 3 wishes" - says the genie, before thinking to himself - "hmmm it's that fat lying old cunt, I'd best do the opposite of what he says" "Ah fabodozo. Nautilus maximus" - says Boris - "For my first wish I want total neo-liberal control of the state & zero tax for every non-dom billionaire" So as he promised to himself, the genie does the opposite. He immediately transforms Britain into a socially-democratic society with fair wealth distribution "Oh dear shamus saddus" - says Bojo - "I'll give it another try. Genie please make me Prime Minister again with absolute rule & no opposition so I can at least sort this mess out. And maybe give me a bit of a makeover too?" So once again the genie is true to his word. He transforns Johnson into a tramp, destitute with a face now resembling a dribbly old dick with public lice Finally twigging, Boris tries reverse psychology on the genie "I see it's like that is it? Craftium Twattus. Tell you what then. Make it so that everyone is healthy & happy, & that our future children be safe from greed, stupidity & corruption" So the genie chops his bollocks off

Thinking about that Brazilian singer who was hospitalised after feeling too embarrassed to fart in front of her boyfriend, I have some ideas for song titles in her next album & would like to open this to the floor: "Pump Up The Volume" "Pass The Dutch Oven" "I Just Died In Your Arse Tonight" "Stink Twice" Anything by The Blow-Off Monkeys or Fart Garfunkel.

Caliphatian Thistle