Sickipedia

Lingard on 200k a week at Nottingham Forest Not saying he is stealing a living...but the Sheriff of Nottingham just put a bounty on his head

Liverpool job centre monday: "We're going to stop your benefits immediately" "Why laa? I've got a bad back" "This video of you climbing a 30 foot fence in Paris on saturday proves otherwise"

Man dies and goes to heaven. When he is getting the tour he see's a load of clocks with politicians names on, but the minute hands are all moving at different speeds He's asks Saint Peter: "What are these?" Saint Peter replies: "They tick everytime the politician on them lies" Fella replies: "Where is Boris Johnson's?" Saint Peter laughs, "His is in God's office. He's using it as a fan"

Rumours about Britain and France going to "War" over fishing has resulted in France taking the steps they always do in preparation in war....they have surrendered unconditionally to Germany

Shocking development in the #metoo movement as Caitlyn Jenner accuses medal winning athlete Bruce Jenner of touching her innappropriatlely for the majority of her life

First game for saudis and someone in crowd collapses...they've started quickly. Rumour is he took a sip from Steve Bruce water bottle

Arsenal donated 500,000 shirts to Haiti following the Earthquake The Haitians have returned them with a note: "We have no food, no money, no possessions no water and no homes...but we still have our dignity"

After being Croatian, Czech, German, Ukranian and Danish..the Scottish are now all Italian. They've had more nationalities than Shamina Begum

So..with this matt hancock affair stuff.. Do you reckon he stays in human form or sheds his vessel when mating?

Recording from Matt Hancock office "Oo you dirty health secretary" "Ask me what im gonna do to you" "What will do?" "Give you another 4 weeks lockdown" "Fooking hell!"