Sickipedia

"Women are terrible with directions", I told my wife. "Where are you going with this?", she asked.

Unpopular opinion but I fucking HATE Christmas jumpers. Throwing themselves on the tracks, interrupting people's journeys. Selfish bastards.

Our chemistry teacher committed suicide by freezing himself at -273.15°C. Everyone is saying he was crazy, but I thought he was 0K.

"The French should do more to prevent migrants reaching Britain!" To be fair, it's not the first time the French have given up and allowed a wave of foreigners to sweep across their country unimpeded...

It has emerged that David Fuller, the 67 year old charged with necrophilia, struggles to get hard. Unlike the women he has sex with.

"Omicron spreads 10x faster and is twice as deadly". More parties at No10, please.

I hate people who make sentences out of song titles because it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.

Apparently there are over 850,000 registered sex offenders in the UK and they don't have to carry a card because it "violates their privacy". But we have to show proof of vaccination otherwise we can't get in cinemas or restaurants. Moral of the story: become a sex offender to maintain your freedom...

I'll never forget the day when I opened the door on my advent calendar and Tom Daley came out.

"Time to consider mandatory jabs", says EU chief. Funny that, I thought he died in 1945.