Sickipedia

Our chemistry teacher committed suicide by freezing himself at -273.15°C. Everyone is saying he was crazy, but I thought he was 0K.

"X Factor's Ray Quinn unrecognisable after quitting fame to become a carpet fitter". From riches to rags.

Apparently there are over 850,000 registered sex offenders in the UK and they don't have to carry a card because it "violates their privacy". But we have to show proof of vaccination otherwise we can't get in cinemas or restaurants. Moral of the story: become a sex offender to maintain your freedom...

As a kid I loved it when Grandma would set fire to the Christmas pudding. Secretly, I always wished some cunt would accidentally catch fire. Admittedly a strange thing to inspire Grandma's cremation last week.

As a kid I loved it when Grandma would jet fire to the Christmas pudding. Secretly, I always wished some cunt would accidentally catch fire. Admittedly a strange thing to inspire Grandma's cremation last week.

Merry Christmas

I can't wait for the next iPhone to come out. Sure, it's the same as the one I've got now only £300 more expensive, but at least I get to act like a snobby cunt.

I once lived just a stone's throw away from a family who all died of mysterious head injuries.

My wife asked me to stop singing "I'm a Believer" by the Monkees because she found it annoying. At first I thought she was kidding, but then I saw her face.

Came close to having a threesome last night, only needed two more people.