Sickipedia

It has emerged that David Fuller, the 67 year old charged with necrophilia, struggles to get hard. Unlike the women he has sex with.

Apparently there are over 850,000 registered sex offenders in the UK and they don't have to carry a card because it "violates their privacy". But we have to show proof of vaccination otherwise we can't get in cinemas or restaurants. Moral of the story: become a sex offender to maintain your freedom...

My wife asked me to stop singing "I'm a Believer" by the Monkees because she found it annoying. At first I thought she was kidding, but then I saw her face.

"Omicron drives major surge in South African COVID cases". So the choice this Christmas is either kill yourself or listen to Bob Geldof asking for £3 a week.

Just saw a sign in ALDI: "Turkey £29" Bloody hell, that's £300 cheaper than Thomas Cook!

Our chemistry teacher committed suicide by freezing himself at -273.15°C. Everyone is saying he was crazy, but I thought he was 0K.

"X Factor's Ray Quinn unrecognisable after quitting fame to become a carpet fitter". From riches to rags.

I've just heard by baby say her first words: "Where the fuck have you been for the last 20 years?"

As a kid I loved it when Grandma would set fire to the Christmas pudding. Secretly, I always wished some cunt would accidentally catch fire. Admittedly a strange thing to inspire Grandma's cremation last week.

As a kid I loved it when Grandma would jet fire to the Christmas pudding. Secretly, I always wished some cunt would accidentally catch fire. Admittedly a strange thing to inspire Grandma's cremation last week.