Sickipedia

"Can I help you Sir?" "I'm looking for a gold digger,do you have any in stock?" "We have two Sir,there's the white version, called the 'Lucy Beaumont' It comes from the North and makes strange guttural noises,or the Black version called the 'Megan Markle'.It originates from Nigeria and is prone to delusional breakdowns every 50 miles" "I think I'll leave it Thank you"

A woman takes her car to a garage and said to the mechanic "Everytime I turn the ignition on, there's a terrible whining noise that's driving me mad!" The mechanic gets in,and within seconds he says " Found the problem ,I've taken your Taylor Swift C.D out"......

'Knock Knock' 'Who's there?' 'The Liberal Democrats ' 'The Liberal Democrats who?' That's politics.....

What would you get if you bred Diane Abbot with an Orangutan? Diane Abbot

The existence of Tom Holland and Tom Hollander implies the existence of Tom Hollandest......

What's the difference between a spit and a swallow? A few pounds of pressure on the back of her head.....

Due to the woketards in charge of the BBC, the ratings for Dr Who are going down faster than Olly Alexander on a Swedish rentboy......

Polish- A bit like a pole

I saved a young girls life today with the kiss of life and chest compressions...she wasn't unconscious though. Well,not to start with anyway......

Not one person anywhere voted for Olly Alexander....that must be devastating for the poor poof and could finish his career in music. Any chance we can get Sam Smith to do it next year?