Sickipedia

Liverpool Mayor Joe Anderson has lost 2 brothers in the space of 6 weeks. Must be a shock, seeing as Joe looks such a picture of health...

If Liz Truss couldn't last longer than a Lettuce, what's the chances of a Choc Ice lasting longer than a er, Choc Ice?.

My daughter's Violin Tutor asked to see me. He said she was getting a reputation in the group. I thought she must be ultra talented to stand out, until I was told her nickname. Straddled various.

When you watch a music video on YouTube and it says: do you want to purchase this from iTunes?. It's the reverse of marital sex. You're doing it and thinking a prostitute would work out cheaper.

The definition of irony, courtesy of the sport of boxing. A Gipsy and a Black guy both claiming that they were robbed.

My energy supplier proudly boasts that they use 100% renewables. They sent my renewal quote. Can anybody tell me what day it was, when wind doubled in price?.

Retailers are being asked to request proof of age ID when people who look younger than 25 buy knives. Judging a person's age can be tricky. Surely a Dulux colour chart would be a better way of assessing the purchaser's suitability.

COP26. Where billionaires arrive in Glasgow in private jets and spend 2 weeks thinking up imaginative ways of getting people on minimum wage, to feel guilty, pay more tax and stop holidaying abroad, to save the climate. Cunts.

I agree with Tony Blair (Bombed Afghanistan and Iraq against international law) John Major (promised a referendum on Maastricht, knobbed Edwina Currie whilst advocating 'back to basics' morality) and David Cameron (bombed Libya and Syria against international law) that we have to be careful with Brexit negotiations, or we might lose our reputation for integrity...

In shock news, Love Island pair Curtis and Maura reveal that they faked love for 3 months to cling on to fame. Try 27 fucking years, said an anonymous This Morning presenter.