Sickipedia

So me and my wife have just had a baby and all we have done is argue about what to call it. She wants it to be named after her mother, but I just don't feel comfortable having a child called Cunt.

All my life my dad has accused me of being gay. So the other day I thought I'd finally prove him wrong! So I wanked him off. Once he saw how shit I was at wanking men off he knew I couldn't be gay.

"I have Aids" I told my wife. She screamed in horror and said "How can you say that so calmly!? We had sex just last night!" "You're right" I said.... "We have Aids"

What do you call a Chinese man, with 1 leg shorter than the other? Rob Ling.

Never mind the "soap awards", if Phillip Schofield's boyfriends get any younger, he will end up in prison hosting the "Don't drop the soap awards"

BREAKING NEWS - Wales First Minister Mark Drakeford's wife dies suddenly. Proving that someone can actually bore you to death.

I've just read that they'll be prosecuting the man who urinated on PC Keith Palmer's memorial. #PlaqueLivesMatter

People keep asking me how I managed to get back from the middle East with out catching Coronavirus. Iran.

I find it ironic that when you get something stuck in your eye, you can't see what it is.

When my French room mate, Pierre, introduced his new fat girlfriend, Lorraine, he wasn't very happy when I said- "Lorraine? She looks more like Lè fucking ocean"