Sickipedia

my wife has 2 cunts.... and am one of them

Fact: Too many birthdays kill you.

I've found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. It's shift work.

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"

A 3 year old boy was taking a bath, He started examining his balls and said to his mother, "Mommy? Are these my brains?" His mother replied "No son, not yet."

2 guys were walking down the street and saw a dog lying on a porch licking his balls. Guy 1 said "I wish I could do that!" Guy 2 replied "give him a buscuit and he might let you."

Innkeeper: "The room is £25 a night. It's £5 if you make your own bed." Guest: "I'll make my own bed." Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."

While attending a Marriage seminar dealing with communication, Jack and his wife, Barb, listened to the instructor. “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He addressed the man, “can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?” Jack leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “Its Bero isn’t it?”

Why did the pony buy Strepsils? He was a little hoarse.

We were so poor we couldn’t even afford a proper lavatory brush. We had to tie my pet hedgehog to a stick and tell him to hold his fucking breath.