Sickipedia

Reactions to the budget

She poured several crushed paracetamols into his bottle of whisky, thinking: "Now the loot from our robbery will be all mine." He came in from the garage, wiped oil off his hands and said: "The car's ready." "See you tomorrow at the airport," she said, and drove off. "Not with your brakes cut, you won't," he thought smugly, and took a large swig of whisky.

The headline today on GB News

1 out of 3 ain't bad

Already counting down to Los Angeles 2028

Ukraine urgently needs hard-working doctors, engineers and scientists. Britain can send some of the thousands who have been turning up in dinghies.

A cowboy emigrated to Wales and opened a ranch at Lanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. Unfortunately, none of his cattle survived the branding.

At a health spa I couldn’t wear my glasses as it was so steamy, and I accidentally went into the women’s sauna. Suddenly, a dozen nude women come in, so I stood perfectly still in a corner. Fortunately, it was too steamy for them to see me properly. But they crowded round and said, “That’s a lifelike statue.” Then they stroked and caressed me, saying, “It’s very smooth as well.” They even rubbed their nude bodies against mine and said, “It feels very warm.” What happened next was inevitable, and they said, “It even dispenses hand cream.”

Angela Rayner’s new nickname is, “Three Pads”. I never knew she had such heavy periods.

Western culture (immigrants, please take note)