Sickipedia

The owners of the new Sickipedia site should take driving lessons. Your Instructor will teach you to BACKUP! -------------- Seriously guys, looking good so far but keep a backup!!

What do you call an annoying juvenile talentless Troll who can't give his unfunny 'jokes' a 200 or 300 vote head start and downvote everyone elses? Finished!

Mr Patel is wandering around his local outdoor market looking for bargains when he gets chatting with his old schoolmate Mr Singh, he tells him about a new value toilet roll that he's started buying from the local papermills, "It's made out of recycled paper so it's very cheap - only £5 for 2 dozen rolls. It's a brand new product, they haven't even decided what they are going to call it yet!" Mr Patel agrees to buy a bag of 24 rolls to try them out. A week later at the same market, "Hey Bhupinder, I've thought of a brand name for those toilet rolls you sold me last week." Mr Singh replies, "That's good Sunil, what is it?" "John Wayne toilet rolls. They're rough, they're tough and they don't take shit off Indians!"

I write this with shock and disbelief as my world has just been rocked; Kleptomaniac former Royal Butler Paul Burrell has just announced to the world that he is actually a gay!! Currently running a Florists, it's not as though this macho man ever gave us any clues!?

A Chinese man walks into a pub, the Barman says "Hey, why the Wong face?"

I like my women like I like my coffee, roasted and put through a grinder.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer has blamed the woes of the NHS on the over 75's. Apparently there are now half a million more over 75's than in 2010. In 10 years time there will be 2 million more over 75's - all putting more strain on the NHS. Never mind the Poles & Syrians they need to beef up border security to stop all these over 75's getting in!

Turkish News networks have reported that a helicopter has crashed in Istanbul killing 5 people. Boris Johnson has expressed his condolences on behalf of the people of Britain, adding, "Is this going to effect the opening times of any Kebab shops?"

New York. The International Symposium of Materials Science has taken over most of the Marriott Marquis Hotel, the delegates are all scientists from leading materials development & manufacturing companies all over the world. After the first day's seminars a few dozen of the delegates are relaxing in the bar, a well-dressed man is sat at one end of the bar staring at a small rubbery sphere that he is rolling around between his finger and thumb. A scientist sidles up to him and introduces himself. "Hi, I'm Bob Furst from Dow Polymers. What have you got there? Could I take a look at that? " He snatches the small sphere out of the strangers hand and scrutinises it intently, he pokes it, squeezes it, sniffs it and remarks, "Veeeery interesting! Semi-elastic, odourless, mouldable and in a fetching shade of translucent green. Say, how did you discover this?" The puzzled looking stranger replies; "It was up my nose!"

I was staying in a swanky London Hotel recently and phoned down to reception to ask for an extra pillow. I didn't realise that 'extra pillow' is hotel code for a prostitute. So now here I am with 2 prostitutes and only 1 pillow to smother them with!