Sickipedia

Soon we'll have all you peasants up North right where we want you. In a cemetery.

Another 125 dead form Covid. We really must do something about these terrible figures. I want them doubled by Friday. Vote blue you peasants and I'll promise you all a quick death.

I'm going to have to give Carrie the elbow. Since she had the family allowance thing her opening has become very, very, large and sloppy. It's like having sex with a Northern girl.

I would've gone into a library for a book about subjecting the poor to more tax. But we shut all the libraries down, can't have peasants learning to read.

We had one of those coloured chappies join us, awfully good at sums, I think you Northern things call them 'Pakis'. So I gave him a job looking after the countries money, if anyone known how to get money out of peasants, I'm sure it'll probably be a 'Paki'.

Hello chaps, some great news, we are going to stop all those dirty immigrants trying to get across the channel to Dover, in fact we are having the navy escort them somewhere much more suitable. Probably Liverpool or Manchester. Can't have them in the South East now can we chaps?

Now then, Mr Fart person, your skill with voting hasn't gone unnoticed at Conservative head office. Can you contact us at once as we will have some work for you at the next general election. I suspect my good pal Donald over in the good old USA may have some work for you as well. You can name your price, we'll just tax poor people some more.

I found a library that we hadn't closed down and went in and asked for a book on crippling the economy while crushing the poor, "I'm sorry, " said the barley literate oik, " we don't have any, only a copy of the Conservative election manifesto. " "Yes, you blithering idiot, that's the one. " That told the ignorant peasant, must remember to shut that one down as well.

What on Earth is wrong with you peasants from Manchester? We thought you would've been thrilled at being granted parity with Liverpool.

I really don't understand this Burnham peasant. Why didn't he just register Manchester as a small limited company with no experience of making PPE and £300 in the bank. He would've been given £100 million before teatime. Stupid Northerner.