Sickipedia

that advert where the two women are stuck in a lift and someone brings them a mc donalds, i would have asked for a KFC meal, that way you get a good feed and a bucket to use in case you need a shit later..

The youth of today are really thick. Shopping trolleys do NOT float so why do they keep trying to sail them in the local canal/river?

SAW THIS in a girlie mag earlier... "Dear agony aunt. I am a teenage adolescent and whenever I see pictures of naked women I get an erection. Am I unusual?"... "Dear Christine. Yes."

fool your pals into thinking you've been on masterchef by inviting them over for tea and putting flowers and green stuff on their fish fingers and chips..

Once when I went to see one of the Harry Potter films, I saw a dog at the cinema sat in the front row . Whenever there was a funny bit he barked. He whimpered at the sad bits and wagged his tail at the exciting bits. When it had finished, I had to talk to his owner and say how amazed I was that his dog enjoyed the film so much. His owner replied “So am I. He hates the books”

I can balance twelve budgies on my penis. To be fair though, the last one has to stand on one leg.

According to a TV commentator today, there is "Nothing more painful than going out of Wimbledon live on TV." That"s an absurd exaggeration- what about a paper cut on the bell end?

watching the england/craotia game, no fans at all in the ground so you can actually hear the players shouting stuff, like, " yer cars a cut and shut", and " you got yer rolex in thailand", and, " ive had yer mam and sister", and thats just gareth southgate..

Teenagers, sit 8 of you in seating meant for 4 in the pub, buying 5 cokes and sitting there for 3 hours on yer phone not talking to each other....then moaning on facebook the pub has closed..

A chicken is sitting on the sofa. The cow comes over and says "moooooooove ovvver". And the chicken replies "Fuck fuck fuckoff"