Sickipedia

I hope you all told the neighbors to keep their pets quiet so you could enjoy your fireworks last night. Our dogs ruined ours, with all the howling and crying... Selfish cunts...

I used to work on the taxis with a bloke called Phil Attery....... He never left the rank. Nod to Chum

I couldn't decide whether to watch Comic Relief or England v Albania. I opted to watch a bunch of jokers making fools of themselves for money..... After 10 minutes I put Comic Relief on......

Deadie Jordan

I was once asked to attend an inquest into a sudden death of one of REM's roadies. One thing led to another and bizarrely, it all ended up in a group orgy. The Sun newspaper got hold of some of the photos taken...... That's me in the Coroner...

I was at a health club the other day when I was surprised to see that comedian with the surname Kumar answering questions. He was actually really good..... I didn't expect the Spa Nish in quiz. He shone. I'm really, really sorry. I'll get my bathrobe.

I've just come back from Corfe Castle. In Dorset? Yes, I'd recommend it to anyone. Have we stopped doing these yet?

Just got back from the Midlands where I set fire to a pig sty. Burning ham? No, Coventry.

Simply Bereft....

Six feet deep, mountain high...