Sickipedia

I'm not saying I'm debauched. But when I saw the hole in Charlie Kirk's neck, my first thought was "I could get my cock in that."

Despite sacking him as US Ambassador, Kier Starmer has not removed the Whip from Peter Mandleson. Nor the handcuffs, strap on, or Ukrainian rent boys.

' Occam's Razor ' suggests that Donald did indeed write Epstein's birthday letter. It wouldn't look so bad if he'd used it to shave his name off.

Grandfather mistakenly takes home wrong child from Sydney daycare centre. And that, your Honour, is the case for the defence...

I got arrested because I was in the supermarket and as I bent down to get a chocolate bar my trousers split open exposing my arsehole and bollocks to some children standing behind me. "But it was an accident!" I protested. "Well it's the 12th 'accident' this week and the 3rd one today." said the officer.

I checked our hotel room for spunk stains with an ultraviolet light before we unpacked. I'm not saying the wife's a pervert but I caught her licking the walls.

Most American voters strongly disapprove of Donald Trump's handling of the Epstein files. He's gone and stuck half the pages together.

'I'm not sure how to pronounce the name of Jeffrey Epstein's girlfriend. Some say it's 'ghee-laine', others say 'jizz-laine'. 'It's 'ghee-lane'. Jizz-lane is the name of a corridor in Epstein's house.'

They say you should dress for the job you want. Well I want to be a porn star so I got fired from the nursery. However I am now on the sex offenders register so I'm halfway towards my goal.

I was feeling depressed earlier so I went for a walk in town. I saw a bird with massive wobbly tits coming towards me and staring at them really cheered me up. It completely took my mind off my impending court case for staring at women's tits.