Sickipedia

What's black, white and red all over? The newspaper we used to clean my wifes miscarriage up with.

My mate Dave lost his job at the abortion clinic last week when it was closed for the duration. Poor guy now has to buy food for his dog.

Forgive me if I'm wrong,but if I remember from my biology lessons (55 years ago) the requiment was a male plus female to produce offspring . So how come a pair of shirt lifters can be parents? It's beyond me.

A guy wakes up next to his wife after a night of drinking, looks at her and says, "Did you sleep on my left side or right side last night?" She says, "Left side, why?" He replies, "Oh shit, I fucked the baby"

A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you can ever hear. Unless it's 3am. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby.

What's ten inche's long and can make a woman scream all night - cot death

A reworked one; My mate set me up on a blind date, and he said "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby". I felt a right twat sitting in the pub wearing just a nappy.

What’s the difference between Mumsnet and Pornhub? I never wank to Pornhub

What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock .......... You can't fuck a rock

Sean Connery used to sing Otis Redding songs as lullabies to his baby son. The poor lad was ten years old before he realised the dock of the bay wasn’t actually covered in excrement.