Sickipedia

Michelle Money

"My friends and family are coming over," I said, "hide all the silver and valuables." "Are they thieves?," asked my wife. "No," I replied, "They might recognise it."

In the NEWS: Sir Billy Connolly issues an alarming warning to fans in new statement warning fans about scammers impersonating him online. How do we know he issued the statement though?

Still getting used to my curfew ankle tag after recently being released from prison. Just taking it step by step.

I thought my black neighbour worked in construction But I realised he works in the steal industry

The Wembley Branch of C.E,X. Is the latest chain to enjoy Effnic diversity at its best. Police say that a brazen daylight smash n grab robbery resulted in mobile phone and console theft with a street value of £15,000 or 21,000 trade in.

I was out shopping earlier when an African illegal immigrant asked me for directions to the local KFC I told him to head south down main street, keep going, take a left at Senegal and stay the fuck out of my country

fringe joke for this year: I've got a quick one about solicitors, but it'll cost you.

Zelenskyy the little leprechaun went to Washington DC to yet again ask for a shit ton of money, where the LGBTQ agenda has now been happily removed. When there's no longer a rainbow, there's no longer a pot of gold at the bottom.

I was up in front of the magistrate for shoplifting. "You have been brought before me for the theft of £212.39 pence worth of goods from Tesco. I must make you aware, as the cost of goods stolen is more than £200, the penalty for shoplifting can lead to a sentence of up to seven years" said the magistrate. "£191.47" I replied. "What do you mean?" asked the magistrate. "I've got a Clubcard"