Sickipedia

The catholic church are investigating how two nuns returned pregnant from a missionary trip to Africa. When questioned, both nuns agreed they should have objected when they were asked to take part in an experiment involving the BBC.

I caught covid singing at my local church, but I'm over it now I'm fully hymn-une

Just think if all the religions joined together to be one religion how great the world would be. We could all eat bacon, fuck kids, have as many wives as we want, cut the heads off cunts we don't like, heaven would truly exist. But you would probably still get the awkward cunt who wants his seventy two virgins when he dies though.

I'll tell you what amazes me, living here in Thailand. That is the number of people (there must be thousands!!) who have been released from Guantanamo Bay

Praise the lord, my wife has come back from Lourdes pregnant. She only went to have her alcoholism cured. It's a miracle.

I’ve just got home from Amsterdam. How the fuck did it take the Nazis so long to find Anne Franks house? There are signs all over the city.

The most unbelievable part of the Easter story is that a man in his thirties would have 12 friends

Make sure people still stay away from you after the lurgy is declared beaten by carrying a holy book of whatever magical sky fairy you choose. NB: This does not work with pornographic material. I never had as many strangers wanting to talk to me.

Some proper arrogant selfish twats about. I don't give a fuck what his name is, if he walks on the water again when I'm fishing, I'll crucify the cunt.

In the spirit of togetherness during this crisis I have set up a telephone line for Buddhists who want to remain close to their spiritual animal cousins as well as their spiritual leader. Dial-a-llama