Sickipedia

I recently got asked if I remember my first love, "We're still together, " I replied, "and after nearly 50 years it still gets hard. "

As I cancelled my OnlyFans subscription for this bird in no uncertain terms, I received a message saying... "Ha! You've been talking to the boyfriend all along!" "Haha", I replied, "You've been talking to your Dad all along"

Fancied a porno wank today used a VPN so I don't have to age verify and the world doesn't know I'm into midget porn and having balloons shoved up my arse. But google hates vpns, by the time I'd identified 24 buses 50 motorbikes and 36 fire hydrants I'd lost the mood completely. Do robots even masturbate?

I have a date with a girl who told me she has a thing for medieval weapons and armour. Excellent! My helmet hasn't seen any action since around 1545. When I was watching Cbeebies.

Study shows wankng 21 times a month can reduce the risk of prostate cancer. That's all very well but I've got 15 to go and this school bus won't drive itself.

In the latest Epstein Files leak, Prince Andrew has been linked to payments made for 'massages'. Poor guy's really been through the wringer over all this stuff. I hope he gets a happy ending.

As a fisherman, I get up every morning doing the thing I love most. Wanking...

TOP TIP: Avoid the consequences of impulsive decision making by having a wank

Wank Holiday Monday. Did you get your five a day today ? Asking for a friend.

Given that tickling yourself doesn't work the same as someone else tickling you, we really got lucky with masturbation.