Sickipedia

I was in the Himalayas and I saw this big cow type thing with masses of wiry hair on a roundabout. It was clearly unable to stand up when it got off. All this gave me a hard on, it must have been an affro-dizzy-yak. Sorry, but his is Weaverdogs fault, his stuff is rubbing off on me.

The other day, Rattler walks into his mum's bedroom to find a big black cunt called Jerome - who was ripping her ring piece in 2 with his big black Cock. Rattler starts crying. Because it was his boyfriend who he met in the prison showers while doing time. The hard man.

OH THE POOR WEE TROLL CALLED RATTLER HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SIDE OF THE BREAD HE IS BUTTERED ON THE LITTLE PUFFER . HE LOVES TO MAKE PRETTY PICTURES THE UGLY CUNT BUT NOBODY KENS WHAT THE CUNT IS ALL ABOUT APART FROM WEAVER HE IS A TOWER OF STRENGHT TO RATTLE SNAKE

2 white guys and a black guy are in the barbers. The first white guy gets in the barbers chair and Says, "give me a Telly Savalas". Barber cuts his hair, when he's done he say's, "£5 please". Guy gets up and pays. Next white guy gets up and gets the same, barber cuts his hair and tells him, "£5 please" Black guy gets up and says, "Ill Have a Telly Savalas also" Barber says, "No problem". And cuts his hair. The barber says, "£10 Please". The black guy says, "whats going on? You just charged them £5. Why is it £10 for me is this some racist shit? Which the barber replies, "its £10 for a coloured Telly"

When I die I want to go out like my grandad did, peacefully in his sleep, and not screaming like the passengers in his car

Lucy had a little lamb, Smashed up like a fucktard... 7 I thought if I should leave my mark, I would have to fuckhard7.

3 surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. the first said Electricians are the best as everything inside is colour coded. the second surgeon said that Librarians are better as everything is in alphabetical order inside. The third surgeon said they were both wrong. She said Donald Trump is the easiest patient because he has no brains, no balls, no heart, no guts, no spine and his head and arsenal are interchangeable.

After the heartbreaking fire at Chester zoo, here's my Monty Python homage to those who died: mmm, crunchy frog.

Do the subcategories on this site need updating? Or am I just unable to come up with a really good joke about Alan Thicke or Arnold Palmer to go with the apparently thousands of others on here? Are car crashes not funny?

A man boards a plane with six kids. Once he's settled them in a woman leans over and asks, "are they all yours?" He replies, "no, I work for a condom factory and these are all customer's complaints."