Sickipedia

ATTENTION: A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2018 FA Cup Final, both box seats. He paid £2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place... ...it's at St Paul's Church, Peterborough at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too.....She'll be the one in the white dress.

Do you know which two words will ruin a man's life? I do.

Why do women wear perfume and make up? It's because they smell and they're ugly.

I often sleep in my wife's knickers. They make a great hammock.

Texting my wife when we were dating - What are you wearing? Texting my wife now - Did the dog shit?

Once married the woman takes over the entire wardrobe. And the man stores everything he owns in a shoebox...

My wife speaks four languages: English, eye-rolls, door slams, and sighs.

'...MARRIAGE is like a self-service café. You choose what YOU want and then when you see what your mate has got, you want a bit of that as well.'

I was surprised Prince Harry's son is so white. I wonder who Archie's real mother is.

I hate marriage counselling. The Wife bought up my premature ejaculation. Said it was getting on her tits.