Sickipedia

I hadn’t had a fuck for six months. My ex girlfriend called and said she fancied a casual shag. Now I'm not saying I was keen to get there before she changed her mind. but I did manage to set off two speed cameras on the way to her house. Which is quite impressive considering I was on foot.

I love shugging English sluts they are so cheap and filthy but come off them when I meet their brother who looks like them, never washes, is a football supporter called Wayne and drives a white van for his living

Beautiful sexy women heres a tip why not ruin your bodies by having them covered in naff tattoos therefore making yourself less attractive than you were before to half of the male population, If I wanted my lover covered in ink i'd bum a fucking sailor . A spread bastard eagle on a lovely pair of tits is not sexy its disturbing .

A bikini is the ultimate symbol of democracy, because it separates left from right, protects the centre, changes everyone's "point of view" and forces all the people to look in the same direction with the same goal.

I've just started writing a love letter to this woman I fancy, but I'm having a bit of trouble. What rhymes with anal fisting?

I heard Facebook had published a list of 71 genders but when I looked there were only 70. Someone's hidden a gender, if you ask me.

Put all my old dogging gear up for sale on eBay today. No bids yet but I’ve got 12 people watching.

I woke up from my anasthetic and saw my doctor standing over me, smoking a fag. "Blimey!" I said. "I knew never you smoke, doc." "I do..." he replied with a smile, "... especially after I've had sex."

After my first proper gym workout in several months, I'm feeling pretty shitty. Not because I'm tried and achy, but because I'm lying on the ground smelling.

Rapper T.I. (no me neither) has admitted that he takes his teenage daughter to a gynaecologist every year to examine her hymen to confirm she is still a virgin. Too bad she hasn't got a hymen on her tonsils or her arsehole!