Sickipedia

What do you call a Shanghai resident who ransacks shops? Lu Ting. (Surely we must be running out of coats...)

I told my missus a story that Abu Hamza once snorted cocaine off the deck of the Titanic. She fell for it. Hook, line and sinker.

I heard that because of a lack of EU migrants we will have a shortage of pigs in blankets this Christmas. Apparently the act of rolling a piece of bacon around a chipolata sausage has to done by hand. You know I'd love a cup of tea but without a polish worker I can't seem to boil a kettle or put a teabag in a cup.

China, Corona one day, coroner the next.

My personal trainer asked me if I'd ever tried an ice bath. "No, only plastic," I told him.

At his wit’s end, Trump has re-hired Steve Bannon (the mastermind behind his 2016 election landslide victory) in a last gasp attempt to prevent Biden’s inauguration. The pair of them will appear before Judge Judy on Monday morning to argue their case.

Absolutely no marking of Tiananmen square massacre allowed in Hong Kong. The Party's going to crackdown like it's 1989.

Hi Markrees my BFF Hope you are doing fine and dandy Im fucking covinced Chum is a vampire and goes by the name of Blocked Account Dracula Tried to vote on a couple of his jokes but it told me to fuck off....fuck it Going to have my sardines on toast now....i like the taste of fish eh eh bye

Turned the radio on this morning and heard a Vera Lynn song, turns out she had just died. I wouldn’t normally listen to Radio 2 in a morning, but today will be an exception. Fingers crossed, I’m hoping they play a Cliff Richard song soon.

Will the news be leaked today ? On Sandringham fields there lay a clot of blood but whose could not be said for they were all bloody clots. Anon