Sickipedia

A previously unknown self-portrait by Van Gough has been discovered hidden on the back of another painting at the National Galleries of Scotland. The senior conservator contacted La Musee d'Orsay in Paris and asked if they would like to come and view it. The French curator replied, "It is ok, we already 'ave one ear"

Just like to say Thanks duffy, you where good!

Hi Markrees my best friend Hope you are well my china plate Im so inspired by the beauty of poetic verse...get on to this... Lucy Worsley had a little lamb, And she called it A Bag of Shit Lucy wore a skimpy cheerleaders skirt To flash her 9 inch clit. PHOOOOAR I bet she passed her driving test first...you know what im talking about ..hey..hey little short skirt...hey ..hey ...lots of top flesh showing...PHOOOAR...Do you wanna fuck me lipstick...hey hey... PHOOOOAR..

Sky news reporter interviews Ķirk Douglas for his 103rd birthday. "So kirk what is your secret?" Kirk said "I once let Burt Lancaster suck me off on a movie set in the 40s" The reporter siad "I meant you're secret to longevity... reaching 103!!" Kirk "Oh that... fruit n vegtables and the odd tot of whiskey"

Pink Panthers to do list: -to do -to do -to do, to do, to do, to do, to dooooooo, dododododo Credit: someone old.

How many eyes has Dick van Dyke got? Three - a left eye, a right eye, and an um-diddle um-diddle um-diddle eye

I've recently been turned down by Celebrity Big Brother, Strictly Come Dancing and I'm a Celebrity over fears that I would overshadow the other contestants.

Gareth Gates had to cancel his planned comeback concert in Chester last night.... He ordered a taxi to get to the gig but ended up in Chichester....

So I'm guessing Rowan Atkinson won't be receiving a torrent of abuse from the gammon calling him a luvvie and telling him to keep his nose out of politics. See also Michael Caine, John Cleese and Roger Daltrey.

“To me, to me, to me, to me” - Paul Chuckle