Sickipedia

The wife said she got an ever ready chicken for tea.. I said "don't you mean oven ready" She said" no, it's a battery hen.

Martin Sheen American Barry Sheen British Mr Sheen polish

Some cunt said i have a face like the back of a boat. I didn't reply. I just gave him a stern look.

I went to school with Ivor Bigun nice kid. always boasting about the size of his knob

Tommy Robinson was asked to leave a London restaurant after staff felt “uncomfortable” about serving him. A spokesman for the restaurant said it had nothing to do with his political beliefs and it was just because he was a cunt.

I recently met a French woman. Her name was Jenna Sequar. She had a certain something about her.

Not a lot of people know this. But the singer Bill Withers had a brother called Bear, who wrote telephone hold music.

I caught my son last night in his bedroom, eating electrical cord. So I've grounded him until he conducts himself properly.

The government has pledged to send vegetables as food aid to the people of Gaza, thus doing its bit for peas in the Middle East. I'll get my coat.

Jilly Cooper has died at the age of 88 following a fall. She fell into the arms of the Grim Reaper. His bony arms belied his strength as he cradled her like a timorous kitten. His eye sockets like unplumbed depths held her mesmerised as she felt her former life dropping away to be replaced by a hunger, a need, to be with him for all eternity. He leaned in as she arched her neck ready to receive his kiss. The kiss of Death. The kiss of Life. The only kiss that would ever matter to her again.