Sickipedia

Iceland offers £1 reward for reporting shoplifters. Wow with that I could almost afford a quarter of one of their shit pizzas.

" Lava flow in Iceland destroys small community and it's livelihood " Perhaps they could become fissuremen..

This joke is in queue and will be added in a few minutes 17 hours.........................................

Fool visitors you live in a mansion and are worth millions by super glueing lots of doors to all the walls in your bedsit. Stick door signs saying things like Art Gallery, Sports Hall, Cinema Room, Swimming Pool on each door to make it more plausible.

I saw the lead singer from EMF in LIDL earlier...... fuckin.....UNBELIEVABLE!!

A magnitude 7 earthquake in Japan? Who farted?

9 migrants found alive inside lorry container in Kent....sadly they had defrosted and smelt rotten!

If you aren't over 40 this joke will probably go over your head. It was told to me by an old fella in the pub, (David O'R...., RIP) in the late 80s. I spilled my pint when he told it. Guy walks into the pub and orders a pint of Whitbread Pale Ale. He sits at a table next to these two muscular women. Tough dames. Anyways, he goes to the toilet for a whiz, and when he emerges from the clungee, he sees one of the woman putting his pint glass to her arse cheeks and letting rip. Horrified, he walks over to the table and asks "You fart in my Whitbread?" Chunky girl says "no, that's her. I'm Tessa Sanderson". *taxi for Paul... *

Joachim Low has issued a sex ban to the Germany team during the World Cup. Scratching your bollocks in public and then sniffing your fingers is being widely encouraged, however!!!

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British. CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you