Sickipedia

For the next month I'll be wearing pink to raise awareness for people who don't bother to separate laundry.

Had a hair extension done last week. Wish I'd gone for a traditional brick one now. Rain's getting in already.

I don’t understand why Trump is getting so worked up about the minerals in Ukraine. Doesn’t he know you can 422 gems on here for £3.99 a month?

The hotel I'm staying at is hosting a battered wives convention. Never realised cannibalism was so popular in Scotland.

I didn't believe this girl when she told me she played guitar for a Monkees tribute band. The I saw her bass...

I just watched Superman with Henry Cavill. "I'll be honest mate. I preferred your version," I told him.

My brother studied Physics at Cambridge under Professor Stephen Hawking. He's still got the tyre marks on his face.

After doing tests on me, the doctor said my alcohol was too high. So, I've moved it to a lower shelf where I can reach it more easily.

A lot of people say superheroes don't exist. Well, I've never seen Invisible Man. If that's not proof, I don't know what is!

Saw Eddie Grant on the bus with his leg in a cast this morning. I asked him where he was he going and he said he was 'gonna hop down to his local B&Q, and buy a tumble dryer.