Sickipedia

Have you heard Michael Keaton is returning as Batman? Bruce Wayne puts on the cape and cowl to fight the growing injustice in the retirement home. The Penguin is hogging all the sherbert lemons, two face plans to cheat in the halloween special BINGO game and The Riddler has hidden someone's false teeth in a place only Batman can figure out where. Can Batman bring order before his dementia kicks in? This'll be a night the staff'll wish they called in sick.

I told my therapist about my procrastination problem. She said we’d work on it later.

Prince Andrew hasn't paid rent for 22 YEARS. I'm shocked that 22 years ago, he was paying rent.

The Louvre was raided with as much ease as the Germans occupied Paris

Now Andrew is just Mr Windsor, he will find it easy to apply for a job at Pizza Express.

Sarah Ferguson can no longer refer to herself as the Duchess of York. She has to return to her original title, 'The Hampshire Slapper'.

Prince Andrew gives up royal titles including Duke of York after ‘discussion with king’. That's a shame, after he worked so hard for them.

Holocaust victim Anne Frank reimagined as a pansexual Latina with non-binary lover and neurodiverse family in controversial NYC musical. The only thing missing is some Jewishness

Donald Trump fumes over 'unflattering' photo on cover of Time magazine. I'm not surprised he's pissed off. They made his hair look ridiculous.

The Taliban bring back stadium executions. And season tickets.