Sickipedia

High-fives to the guy acquitted of masturbation on a bus!! I never thought he'd pull it off.

I recently got asked if I remember my first love, "We're still together, " I replied, "and after nearly 50 years it still gets hard. "

I was sexually active at 10. It's now 10:15 and my arm hurts.

Men who masturbate 'will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife', says Muslim televangelist. Nonsense. If you wank all the time, the last thing you'll end up with is a bunch of kids on your hands.

As I cancelled my OnlyFans subscription for this bird in no uncertain terms, I received a message saying... "Ha! You've been talking to the boyfriend all along!" "Haha", I replied, "You've been talking to your Dad all along"

Fancied a porno wank today used a VPN so I don't have to age verify and the world doesn't know I'm into midget porn and having balloons shoved up my arse. But google hates vpns, by the time I'd identified 24 buses 50 motorbikes and 36 fire hydrants I'd lost the mood completely. Do robots even masturbate?

I have a date with a girl who told me she has a thing for medieval weapons and armour. Excellent! My helmet hasn't seen any action since around 1545. When I was watching Cbeebies.

I masturbated so good last night that when I woke up this morning, my dick was in the kitchen making me breakfast.

Just a quick question..why don't we ever wank about our partners?

As it's holocaust memorial day again I'm looking at pictures of Jewish actresses and having my annual "Anne Frank".