Sickipedia

Jilly Cooper has died at the age of 88 following a fall. She fell into the arms of the Grim Reaper. His bony arms belied his strength as he cradled her like a timorous kitten. His eye sockets like unplumbed depths held her mesmerised as she felt her former life dropping away to be replaced by a hunger, a need, to be with him for all eternity. He leaned in as she arched her neck ready to receive his kiss. The kiss of Death. The kiss of Life. The only kiss that would ever matter to her again.

Yo mama’s so ugly that when she gives me a blowjob it counts as anal.

Not a lot of people know this. But the singer Bill Withers had a brother called Bear, who wrote telephone hold music.

What is the country coming to? Good quality porn, probably.

I went for a job at Chanel's perfume warehouse. I was scent packing.

14 hours in A&E after getting covered in camouflage paint. And I still haven't been seen.

The glove puppeteers Union is going on strike. They've just had a show of hands.

Just opened my fridge and got a strong smell of basil. Think it might be faulty.

Some bloke came into my shop and said, "why is your exit sign flickering on and off? " I said, "it's on the way out.

The Boogeyman used to come to the ring with live worms in his mouth. Is there any gimmick that Hulk Hogan won't steal?