Sickipedia

Next time a man offers to wash you back while you're in the shower, don't forget to say thank you. There's really no need for this, "Who are you and how did you get into my house?" nonsense.

Elon Musk paid over 40 Billion dollars to buy twitter. What an idiot, I got mine for free on the App Store!

Breaking News: Donald Trump announces United States to invade the nation of Stockholm.

Fuck me, last night it was raining cats and dogs for ages. The council is still clearing away all these dead animals off the streets.

A lot of people say superheroes don't exist. Well, I've never seen Invisible Man. If that's not proof, I don't know what is!

I got an email saying that there were charges of £550 from my bank account and to give my information to put that money back on my card. My friend said it was a scam. I checked my bank account and had neither outstanding nor pending charges. That means I'll be making a profit of £550! So who's getting scammed now?

Patrick Stewart can actually grow a full head of hair, its just every role hes ever been offered is playing the part of a bald man

Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe said the lowest point of his career was when his second cousin paula shit on the floor during the 2005 London marathon

Top tip: Irritable, itchy eyes while driving? Mist spray is far easier to apply than drops.

I just watched Superman with Henry Cavill. "I'll be honest mate. I preferred your version," I told him.