Sickipedia

I had a bad acid trip watching Dr Who. It was Psychodalek.

Just went to the pub but I couldn't get drunk. I think they're watering down the hand sanitiser.

This sunday I have commemorated the fallen with a massive hit of heroin .....I like to wear my poppy intravenously.

“Horrified amputee says men troll her by claiming she’d be easy to rape ‘because she couldn’t do much with one leg’” Because when you’re legless, you get smashed and arseholed.

Feeling depressed I decided I would follow Nicolas Cage's example in "Leaving Las Vegas", move to the eponymous city and drink myself to death. After a quick check on my bank account I took a day trip to Clacton and had a couple of pints.

One minute me is having a spliff in the cockpit with the captain .. Next we is emergency landing in valencia and sliding down a shute to get some tapas. We is having fierce munchies

I don't know why I bothered to take my son to see Father Christmas. He'd clearly been drinking and stunk of cigarettes. Christ knows what Santa thought of him.

When I'm feeling stressed, I do that deep inhaling and exhaling techniqe... With crack.

Artist Edvard Munch and his brother Peter were always invited to Oslo Cannabis Parties. because it was said it you couldn't have a decent pot party without the Munchies.

Greater manchester police are a bit embarrassed after a cannabis farm was found in an abandoned derelict police station in failsworth. A police spokesman said "weed like to apologise but the building had already gone to pot".