Sickipedia

In another long day of doing nothing, my wife looked up from her crossword and asked, "What's the past tense for the Italian verb 'to be able', six letters ?" I quickly replied, "it's Potuto, potato."

My wife's mad because I won't stop watching clips of the Coco Girls - a troupe of very slender french girls always dancing around in leotards on a French comedy programme in the 80s.... "Don't worry love," I said to her fat arse, "You're 7 or 8 times the woman that they are."

My big fat wife waited for me in the bedroom, doing her best apparently to dress as "Wilma" of the Flintstones. I just sighed and said, "Jabba Dabba Do."

It was a rainy day and I went to get something to eat and my wife wanted to come along and I refused. "A huge mouth-breather like you; the car windows fog up so bad I won't even get out of the fucking driveway."

I took my wife to one of these restaurants where the beef is very tender and they massage the cows. She wasn't expecting the waiter to come up from behind and give her a shoulder rub.

My wife said, "I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you, I've been standing in the kitchen waiting to talk to you for fucking hours." "Oh sorry, I thought the new fridge finally got delivered."

Earlier this summer we were out in a seaside town and this sexy young lady was in a red bikini and posing for photos on top of a large white yacht. I whistled and said, "YOWZA, she could compete for the America's Cup !" My wife punched me and said, "How come you never say anything like that about me ?" "Of course you could compete for the America's Cup too... as the fucking boat."

Once when we went to France, we went out of our way and changed our itinerary when my wife got excited hearing about "The Burghers of Calais." 5 different Burger Kings she stormed in the area that day.

My wife's three defining features are her morbid obesity, she's a huge Beatles fan, and she's incontinent One can say that she gets by with a little help from Depends.

On Saturday night, my wife had a donor kebab. This other slender lady thought it best to immediately give her sandwich to the fat beast, for her own safety