Sickipedia

My wife had bad flatulence last night that she followed through with a shit, and she tried to deny it but the intensity of the smell got worse and worse, that finally she waddled out of the room with shame as fast as she could. The Tell-Tale-Fart.

I begged my wife to come to church with me just once and she said, "Fuck off, I don't go in for your MAGA Bible shite"..... "Oh come on," I replied, "I'm playing Job in the pageant, and I need you right there when we unveil the - 'Behold, the great Behemoth' !"

I told my wife, "You really need to lose some fucking weight".... I continued, "You're the only person I've ever seen that just when they waddle into a McDonalds, all the poor people working in there start scrambling like a bunch of WWII fighter pilots."

The pretty salesgirl said to me, "So you're shopping for expensive underwear for your wife for Christmas ?".... "No, and you're not hearing me right, I said Expansive."

Just watched an old film where Kate Winslet got naked. She looked pretty fat but It still seems mean that they called it 'Titanic'. Then again she did make the boat sink.

I once went to a rally that was supporting MAGA and got into it with some limp-wristed BBC reporters. I told them I had become much more conservative and recently started living by the book of Leviticus... They replied, "We can clearly see your wife wears clothes of two or more mixed fabrics ?".... "Of course, she's so fucking fat her weight can only be held in by stretchy advanced polymers."

My wife looked in the mirror and said, "I'm getting fat," so she said, "I'm going to start going to that Planet Fitness."...... "Great, there you'll be the Planet."

I saw my big obese wife trod on a tiny gray lego that my son had left lying out. Rather than the big fat orge crying out in pain, there was just a tiny pile of gray powder left on the floor.

Proudest moment of my wife's life today when she received a golden button for Youtube's longest non-looping video..... A 10 hour Mukbang of hers actually beat out a 9 hour and 36 minute long piano performance of Erik Satie's "Vexations".

My large wife passed her BGT audition singing to selections from "Oliver". Aliesha Dixon said, "We've never seen anyone singing with such passion to 'Food Glorious Food'."