Sickipedia

I was in the bedroom and going at my wife hard from behind. "Thrust harder, thrust harder !" she screamed, "OH yes, the Lube is working !" And then three seconds later, the fat bitch finally popped through our door frame.

Those who criticise the late Caroline Flack should remember that abuse comes in many forms and that Gemma Collins is no better for financially abusing her boyfriend Via his Just-Eat account.

Maybe if we posted more American jokes, the site would appeal to a much wider audience.

My wife's a size 8. Times 5.

I took my new girlfriend home to meet my parents the other day. After saying hello my Dad pulled me to one side and whispered "you could have done better than that son. She's the ugliest pig I've ever seen! She must weigh 23 stone. Covered in spots. lips like a cod, shes got a beard, shes cross eyed, got a bald head, size 15 feet and she fucking stinks!!" I said "there's no need to whisper dad she's deaf!..."

In Louisiana, USA, authorities have captured a 500 lb alligator suspected of eating a local man. Before the incident, it was a 100 lb alligator.

Don't blame Christmas. You were fucking fat in August.

The government has gone too far on it's anti-obesity drive , with their less sugar in this and reduced salt in that. The final straw is the heating instructions on ready meals are so small you starve to death.

My neighbours have three grown up sons. One's a Butcher, One's a Baker and I'll bet you can guess what the third one is. That's right, he's a Fat Bastard.

My wife's eaten that much during the lockdown. She's started to get a fucking tan off the fridge light.