Sickipedia

Once when we went to France, we went out of our way and changed our itinerary when my wife got excited hearing about "The Burghers of Calais." 5 different Burger Kings she stormed in the area that day.

My wife's three defining features are her morbid obesity, she's a huge Beatles fan, and she's incontinent One can say that she gets by with a little help from Depends.

Not saying my wife's fat, but one time I went to the pub without her, and the barman asked me where my other three quarters was.

I took this minging fat bird home with me and I was straight into her knickers, "Whoah, stop, " she said, "are you not going to try and arouse me first?" "Ok, " I replied, "hang on a minute, I'll just go and get you a piece of cake out of the fridge. "

My wife told me she was thinking about hanging herself in the cellar and I exclaimed, "Please for the love of God, don't fucking do it !.... " "That rafter always looked like it could maybe only take 400 lbs at most."

My wife wrecked the car earlier and to make it up she spread for me her arse and said "Stick it in here big boy !" "No thanks," I said, looking at it... "It looks like two pigs fighting over a Milk Dud."

On Saturday night, my wife had a donor kebab. This other slender lady thought it best to immediately give her sandwich to the fat beast, for her own safety

After I orgasmed into my wife, I rolled over twice to get off of her, then I asked her breathlessly, "Was it good for you ?" "No, you've missed and cum into a fat roll inside my inner-thigh again."

"Make a Wish certainly came through for my Homo lad with AIDS," I said at work, "they sent him on three tours of every queer useless West End show he wanted to see and all that shite." "Not for me and my lad dying of cancer," My coworker James sniffled, "He wanted to go to Africa and just see Elephants and Rhinos, and fucking nothing." "Well if he wants he can come over and watch my obese wife and daughter sunbathe, it's close enough."

My wife was on Who Wants to be a Millionaire and was starting to play for the big money. The question was asked the fat fucker, "What is a courgette called in the USA ?" "Damn; a real weak point for someone like me is going to be on a vegetable question."