Sickipedia

Just come back from the doctors. I've covered myself in fake tan and a false mole and I can't stop telling cheesy jokes. He says I've got Bob Monkhausen syndrome.

Last week I was taken to the St Thomas hospital London with a possible concussion after falling against the door in my house. Doctor asked me a series of questions: Do you know where you are? I’m at the St Thomas hospital I replied What town are you in? London I replied. Do you know who I am? Yes your Doctor Hamilton I replied. Doctor said that he was going to go away for a little while and come back. After he left I turned to my friend who had taken me to the hospital and said, I hope he doesn’t ask me any more questions. Why? She asked. I replied. Because all of the answers were on his badge.

I got seen by my doctor yesterday. He said that if he catches me peering through his windows again, he'd call the police. And to call the surgery if I want an appointment.

Doctor - We will need to conduct dialysis 3 times a week Patient - You're taking the piss Doctor- Yes, that's exactly what we're doing

I've just been diagnosed with a very rare tropical disease. Frostbite

Jessie J's got cancer, Morten Harket's got Parkinson's, Robbie Williams is mentally retarded...

"What's the verdict, Doc?" "It's an enlarged prostate." "What makes you so sure?" "Your pants are pulled down and it's still in them."

The next big TV show is set in the emergency room at a homeopathic hospital. 'He's flatlining! Nurse, bring me 20cc's of absolutely fuck-all, stat!'

I went to go to the doctor and he said what I had been dreading - "You're at the age of regular prostate checks." I lowered my trousers and I said uncomfortably, "Is that your finger now in my anus ?" "No, that's my erect penis."

This stuck up doctor was bragging about spending five years at university studying medicine to become a doctor. "Wow, " I said to her, "what a coincidence, that's the same amount of time I spent waiting for my last fucking appointment. "