Sickipedia

My wife called up Dominoes to order the "Big Dinner Box" - Two large pizzas, 20 wings, eight breadsticks, two pasta bowls, and two diet cokes..... then she turned to me and growled, "Darling, is there anything that you want ?"

It's become a bigger problem than ever with people competing in sports that were meant for the other gender. After my wife finished off 168 Nathan's hot dogs at the World Hot Dog eating championship, the other male competitors all cowered in fear as the fat gorilla beat her chest and shouted, "Is no one here man enough to take me !"

Garlic Dead?

The USA's "Say No to Crack" campaign with a bunch of signs up was really paying public dividends. Every time my wife saw one, she'd hoist her trousers up and happily spare the public.

My wifes so fat she has to pay for two slimming world memberships

Peter Kay has heckler kicked out of his show, for repeatedly shouting 'Garlic bread!' 'Bastard was making me hungry,' Kay explained later.

To all the Bulimics out there, hope you had a great Christmas heave!.

I got called an asshole for being considerate and getting my brother a week's worth of McDonald's meals instead of shitty hospital food. I mean, come on, don't torture him with salad all day; the man just recovered from a heart attack!

"He ain't heavy, he's my brother". Sing for yourself, cuz my brother is a fat lazy cunt.

Donald Trump flips burgers in McDonald's for pre-election publicity stunt. Bet no-one counted how many portions went missing on his shift.