Sickipedia

' Occam's Razor ' suggests that Donald did indeed write Epstein's birthday letter. It wouldn't look so bad if he'd used it to shave his name off.

Since his last encounter with Sascha Riley, ol' Diaper Don hasn't been so keen on pegging.

In the dentist's waiting room today, I got talking to that Andrew-formerly-known-as-Prince. 'What are you in for?' he asked. I replied, 'I lost a crown last night, on account of a piece of toffee.' He said, 'That's nothing. I lost one on account of a piece of fresh meat.'

I've been arrested for "outraging public decency". Note so self: don't masturbate while cleaning the windows of a nursery.

Hint that you might vote Reform and social services open a Safeguarding dossier on your children. Bearded Woman who thinks she's a man, gives birth. Social Services: Congratulations Sir!.

I yelled "Surprise" when my daughter invited her best friend over for a party. Apparently it's "not ok" though when she's in the bathroom and I fling open the shower curtain and I was hiding nude in the tub.

I'm not saying I'm debauched. But when I saw the hole in Charlie Kirk's neck, my first thought was "I could get my cock in that."

Despite sacking him as US Ambassador, Kier Starmer has not removed the Whip from Peter Mandleson. Nor the handcuffs, strap on, or Ukrainian rent boys.

Grandfather mistakenly takes home wrong child from Sydney daycare centre. And that, your Honour, is the case for the defence...

I got arrested because I was in the supermarket and as I bent down to get a chocolate bar my trousers split open exposing my arsehole and bollocks to some children standing behind me. "But it was an accident!" I protested. "Well it's the 12th 'accident' this week and the 3rd one today." said the officer.