Sickipedia

Race to extract Prince Andrew from Royal Lodge before William and Kate move into their new home next door. Don't worry about it; your kids are too old now.

Amazon confirms it has replaced 14,000 humans with robots. I always knew there was something a bit 'off' with Bezos' Wife.

Have you heard Michael Keaton is returning as Batman? Bruce Wayne puts on the cape and cowl to fight the growing injustice in the retirement home. The Penguin is hogging all the sherbert lemons, two face plans to cheat in the halloween special BINGO game and The Riddler has hidden someone's false teeth in a place only Batman can figure out where. Can Batman bring order before his dementia kicks in? This'll be a night the staff'll wish they called in sick.

I told my therapist about my procrastination problem. She said we’d work on it later.

Springbok rugby star slapped with NINE-week ban for grabbing his opponent in a VERY delicate area. In his wallet

Prince Andrew hasn't paid rent for 22 YEARS. I'm shocked that 22 years ago, he was paying rent.

Verisure here: There's someone in your house but don't worry. We've turned on the smoke deterrent and my colleague is calling the police. Not to save you from being robbed but to stop you being laughed at by a Dwarf who doesn't speak English, posing as a copper, on the same day.

The Louvre was raided with as much ease as the Germans occupied Paris

Katie Price claims she kissed Eminem, adding the rapper to her list of celebrity flings. With Eminem replying, "Fentanyl is one hell of a fucking drug".

Now Andrew is just Mr Windsor, he will find it easy to apply for a job at Pizza Express.