Sickipedia

Cars have too many gadgets these days. I was reversing my car and it started playing a video of someone getting run over by a car.

92-year-old Ryland Headley has been sentenced to life in prison for the rape and murder of Louisa Dunne 58 years ago. I would like to congratulate the Police on their speedy and thorough work on this case and am glad he will spend the rest of his life in jail, unable to hurt anyone else. Thank goodness he didn't get away with it.

My dad asked, " Do you know where I could get a Toupee." " Not off the top of my head " I replied.

I always buy free range chicken. It makes me feel so much better that they have a nice life running about in the fresh air. Before they're hung upside down, electrocuted and have their throats cut.

That driver in Liverpool was a delivery driver for Costa Coffee. Apparently someone had ordered 12 flat whites.

I'm sick and tired of Kareoke night in my local. If I wanted to hear some pissed up 70 year old belting out Bonnie Tyler songs, I'd just go to a Bonnie Tyler concert.

My girlfriend asked me to get one of those drinks with her name on it. I bought her a can of Monster, That's how the fight started.

Paris Hilton posted on social media about her devastation at losing her mansion in the Los Angeles wildfires. She added, 'Can anyone recommend a good hotel?'

Had an ice cream van come around the other day, the bloke serving was dressed as a Viking, I asked for 2 cornets and a 99, he said he could only do tubs. It was lvar the Coneless

In the wake of Charlie Kirk's assassination, I'm sending thoughts and prayers. I thought it was really funny, and I'm praying the Nazi cunt went straight to Hell.