Sickipedia

Of all the planets in the solar system, why did the Muslims fucking pick this one??

The police called me up to tell me that my gay son had been busted behind the bins at the Burger King, wearing roller skates and sucking off punters for money.... I confronted the little fag and said, "You always said you were too busy to get a real job because you were volunteering; 'Doing the Lord's Work' ?"...... "Ooooh of course; all those pictures of Jesus up in church, then why do they always give him such incredible blow job lips ?"

Some years ago my wife was on Who Wants to be a Millionaire and I got a call from Chris Tarrant saying "Your wife is going for £500,000 and you as the lifeline can help get her there"... My wife started, "In the Bible, who was the husband of Queen Esther ?"; I instantly responded, "Ahasuerus"..... Just before the fat thick bitch lost almost everything she said to me on the phone, "No, it can't be that one, I definitely don't think she was married to a dinosaur."

Getting Rough

Lacrimosasaurus. Lacrimosasaurus!. ..........Oke, might have the lyrics wrong.

A black kid was in the street doing a three-card hustle game of bonneteau. A Jewish banker pulled up, rolled down his window, laughed and said "amateur," and then sped away.

Only white men can be bumboys

My gay son is all happy that he caught the eye of a very high-ranking Catholic prelate, and was praising his "game" "Oooh, whilst he was doing me up the bum, he kept shouting - "I'll show you who's the Apostolic nonce !"

Now there is peace in the Middle East, I want to go on a hiking holiday. Can anyone recommend a nice way to get from the river to the sea.

Wouldn't it be ironic when Joni Mitchell dies and she gets to heaven. She is hugely disappointed to find out it's one big giant car park ?