Sickipedia

36 years on from hillsborough, and those scouse cunts still love a game of squash

Bob Vylan & Kneecap will be investigated by the police following their performances at Glastonbury I didn't think they were that bad

Don't drop the soapy woapy

After several hours of talks and uproarious laughter by both parties, Putin and Trump today finally solved the problem of Ukraine. The war is now over with Trump having sold Ukraine to Putin for 10 billion dollars. Former Ukraine president Zelensky has agreed to accept 2 billion extra dollars from Trump and whatever passes for a green card nowadays. European arms dealers have declared a week of mourning and are now looking to offload cheap merchandise to whomsoever is willing to make a bid. Drones will deliver themselves to wherever the buyers want. Alls well that ends well.

100,000 eggs have been stolen from a Pennsylvania company. Police suspect fowl play and blame poachers.

Did anyone else find the Liam Payne tribute at the Oasis gig incredibly moving?

Following the death of a seven year old girl in tree accident, special branch are investigating. No YEW fuck off.

Did you know that a Blue whale's vagina is so wide and deep that 4 to 5 people can fit inside? This makes it the world's second biggest cunt after Donald Trump.

The world’s first online hospital……if any of you actually get the chance to use it, don’t forget to Save it before you log out.

The International Committee for the Exploration of the Seas (ICES) has just announced the terrible news that the numbers of cod in the North Sea are so low that cod fishing should be banned next year to prevent extinction of the fish due to the increasingly low numbers available to spawn. Interestingly enough, today is the 70th anniversary of the introduction of fish fingers to the UK markets. It is a well known fact that in order to get a female fish to release her eggs, a male fish has to finger her to orgasm. When male cod are caught, it is customary to remove their fingers for the traditional British delicacy before throwing the fish back into the sea, as a result female fish go unsatisfied and do not release their eggs. Since we, in this country eat 1.5 million fish fingers per day, the projected shortage of cod will mean the end of traditional fish fingers although other species of fish are available? The fingering of the female fish does affect the taste of fish fingers. You have probably noticed the distinct odour of fish as you cut through the breadcrumbs to get to the meat within, the contents of the fish finger also tend to taste a bit fishy. Suggestions to get round this problem such as resorting to eating cod balls in batter have been declined by ICES for similar reasons as no balls means the castrated cod cannot father codlings. Would baby octopus legs or starfish limbs make a good alternative to fish fingers, they would be available in eight or five packs. Enjoy you lunch today, whilst you still can.