Sickipedia

If your woman put on weight over the holidays, suggest some exercise. Get her to walk 3 miles in the morning and 3 miles in the evening. By the end of January, the problem should be about 42 miles away.

…innit.

A teacher asks her students to discuss what their dads do for a living. Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail." Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better." All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. The teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do?" Johnny says: "My Dad is dead." "I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died?" "He turned blue, and shit on the carpet."

Labour: Solving Problems ?

Give it back

I had my dreams crushed yesterday. It turns out the newspaper headline "Village still looking for paedophile" wasn't a vacancy

A friend of mine survived a fall from 20,000 feet out of a plane, it was when he hit the ground that killed him.

I Have A Dream !

A hunter accidentally shoots himself in the genitals with his shotgun. A few hours later, while lying in a hospital bed, he’s approached by his doctor. Doctor: “The good news is, you’re going to be okay. The bad news is there’s some pretty significant buckshot damage to your penis, so I’m going to have to refer you to my sister.” Hunter: “Is she a plastic surgeon?” Doctor: “No. She plays the flute… she’ll teach you where to put your fingers so you don’t piss in your face.”

Tit for Tat lol